I hope everyone had a wikked awesome weekend, and for my fellow Canuks… a fun & safe long weekend!~
Just sitting here, getting parts ready to upgrade one of my towers, and updating links from jeroc.com
and realized that Facebook and my own site have really taken me away from this blog/msn site.
So many good memories.. so many great blogs.. I just had to stop by and visit for awhile to say hello ;p
The last few months have been up and down… my health has been a-bit rough but I have to give my friends total
props for making life fun and keeping me occupied ;]
So many things in life seem so important and overwhelming, but if you look at the bigger picture and take a moment
to understand the grand machine… some stress and worries can be resolved and put into perspective.
which again.. I have to thank my friends a lot for =)
I wonder about things that plague me.. things that have given me nightmares and sadness for so many years,
I wonder why a person can decide to take a way a life or a connection with your own blood for their own gains
then justify it later on in life with a few simple words of… "well.. I didn’t want her.. around.. umm .. you know"
that was the entirety of the sentence .. no further explanation of what "you know" actually meant.. or
what she didn’t want her to be around… it’s sad.. and has forever jaded my soul.. to hear such words
used as an explanation as to why I had not seen my own soul.. my own blood for over a decade, hit
my chest like a fresh punch… almost as if to re-open the old wound, a cruel sentence.. something that was meant to hurt.
Many of the spiteful things that were done, I let go.. I had to for my own sanity…
~the worse part..the actual reason I became so sad (over a decade ago) was not because of some high school drama..
or some misguided love or vain petty reasons. It was from a dark sad place that had been hidden away from childhood…
~that I had repressed for years~ My mind had hidden away events to protect me.
I didn’t even fully understand until just a few years ago… and even now.. I still look for solace and forgiveness
for those that had hurt me so deeply, to the father I never had.. and to the abuser that had forever changed my life.
*that’s the real problem though isn’t it… repressed memories only hurt you… later…
The truth is, when someone doesn’t want to understand something … that’s all there is. They either listen to you and try to
help.. or they mock you and throw spiteful and hurtful objects at your soul.
Which actually is a testament to the Vanity of people.. when they think a situation is actually about them..
The sheer anxiety inside cripples and makes the ‘self’ doubt everything.. and actually allows
others to manipulate you.. making you think, that the outcomes that are about to come to bear are actually
the best solution for everyone….
It’s these times in life when you truly find out what someone thinks of you.. and more importantly .. what they
think of themselves. Something important to remember… trust yourself, even when the darkness surrounds you
and you feel that everything is lost… look to those that do not judge you, the ones that listen to you.. even if you
only have 1 word to say, they listen & ‘hear’ you.
Which actually brings me back to my original thoughts… that the stress we carry is relative to the amount of
weight we actually give it. In the great machine, the bigger picture… When we can look from the outside
and understand ourselves while looking back, that’s when we can release some of the weight, and in turn
help someone else that is out amid the waves, that need help… that need some understanding, and not judgments
